Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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