OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
