People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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