god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
