I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
