I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
