He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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