so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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