I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize