i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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