So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
