I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
