All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
