How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
