Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
