you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
