no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
