I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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