i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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