1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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