the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
