Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Someone shattered a urinal.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
