i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
