my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
