i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
