Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
