last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
