Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
