Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
