i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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