The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
