It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
