Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
