My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just found puke in my bra..
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
