Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
