I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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