You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
