i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
