My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
