Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
