She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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