im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
