I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
