I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
