Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
