I wanna bring you to show and tell
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
