put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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