He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You were trust falling into bushes
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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