So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
