After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
