We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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