p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Even my vagina gasped.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
