good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Randomize
