once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
