Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
