Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
