kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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