I CAN MOONWALK!
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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