i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
