Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
