If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The feeling are messing with the penis
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
