quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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