Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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