The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
