Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
