I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize