Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
