Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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