Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
