I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
