dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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