Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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