I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
