If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
you never un-have a 4some
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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