I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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