just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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