She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Do vagina's smell?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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