just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
