remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
